First, why am I including this topic in my blog?
Basically because in lesbianism
we can see women
without the influence of men,
without trying to please them, cater to them, or act under their control.
In some respects lesbianism may come close to answering the question
“What do women want?”
But not necessarily:
It seems that what many women want is: a man, or men.
So the issue is unclear, at least in my mind.
Here is an excerpt from
The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality,
2004 paperback edition, by Shere Hite.
The numbers of the quotes are added.
Part ??
Lesbianism
Chapter ??
Survey Responses
Section ??
How Do Women Relate Physically?
[1]
“As far as how we relate to each other physically—
we hug a lot and kiss and caress each other.
As for ‘technique,’
we masturbate each other with our hands and fingers and orally,
as well as combining both.
Also, mutually masturbate, with other parts of our bodies.
Basically, the same things a man and woman can do without a penis,
and usually don’t!”
[2]
“I’ve made love with a woman only twice, the first time was a year ago—
don’t think I know enough to tell you exactly how.
The basic difference with a woman is that there’s no end,
where you have orgasms and end—
it’s like a circle, it goes on and on.”
[3]
“Some times I think I could go straight from deep mouth kissing
to clitoral stimulation to have orgasm.
It depends on my state of ‘readiness.’
I also like to have my lover touch me very lightly, with her tongue and hands,
all over my body, especially my buttocks and lower abdomen.
There is no one ‘best’ way of clitoral stimulation—
when she uses her mouth it’s different than her fingers.
Sometimes I like her mouth at first and then her finger,
and the other times, just her mouth.
Either her tongue gently flicking my clitoris,
or her mouth sucking me hard,
or her finger moving right above my clitoris
in an increasingly rapid up and down movement,
usually makes me orgasm.
Sometimes she pushes her mouth hard against me
and shakes her head rapidly from side to side—
I orgasm this way also.
No one way works best all the time;
different ways at different times work marvelously well.
One thing, I guess it’s easier for me
if we start lovemaking with our clothes on
and do not have more than a minute’s interruption for removal of clothes.
Otherwise I get a little self-conscious.”
[4]
“There is always a great deal of touching and affection,
fingers run over each other’s bodies, legs entwined,
and a great deal of kissing all over our bodies.
Then we get into oral sex, mutual or sometimes one person at a time.
Sometimes we rest for a while and then start up again.”
[5]
“Sex is slow with long preliminaries and explorations, conversation,
gentle mutual stroking and then clitoral stimulation in unison.
Great!
It’s great to do and feel the same done to you.”
[6]
“She soft and gentle
knowing exactly how to rub my clit and what pressure to use—
taking as long as we want coming—coming—coming.”
[7]
“Once, recently, when my lover and I had been making love for hours,
I felt that she was beginning to feel frustrated
(I had not yet learned her ‘style’),
so I guided her hand to her clitoris,
so I could learn from her what pleased her.”
[8]
“The women I’ve been with so far
have been more on an affectionate love basis than sexual.
I have yet to be more sexual with a woman.
The women I’ve been with have kissed me and I them,
we have hugged and gently touched each other;
just having our bodies together and being warm
sends a fire surging through my body.
One woman sat on my pelvic area lightly, with her back to my face,
and stimulated me vaginally/clitorally with her fingers, very gently,
taking her time and not at all concerned with getting me excited
but more exploring—
which release me to take my time and do the same.
I enjoy all of them very much
and hope to see that I make women a more active part of my life.
I am doing this by seeking them out by going to women’s and lesbians’ activities
and putting myself in a position to meet them for the conscious purpose
that I want to make love to a certain kind of woman that I love.”
[9]
“Lovemaking with a woman is always more variable than with a man [interesting],
and the physical actions are more mutual.
While the same places are kissed and touched with a man,
the whole feeling is heightened for me when the lover is a woman,
and it so different
because of all the psychological and emotional factors involved.
The touches become different, the kisses different—
the whole aura is different.”
[10]
“Sex with a woman includes:
touching, kissing, smiling, looking serious, embracing talking, digital intercourse [huh?], caressing, looking, cunnilingus, undressing, remembering later, making sounds, sometimes gently biting, sometimes crying, and breathing and sighing together.”
[11]
“Liz, my roommate, and I have oftentimes made love
when one of us has emotional problems—the love of friends.
In this case,
Liz had a bad experience and I made love to her.
I first kissed her forehead, then her lips,
and then very gently massaged her breasts.
Gently kissing and rubbing them, sucking her nipples.
While doing this, she usually either squeezes my breasts or rubs my shoulders.
I then caress her vagina and perform cunnilingus on her.
I then take the position of the man and let her kiss and hug me.
This is when the emotion comes out.
If she wants to, she then makes love to me.”
[12]
“To relate to another woman physically,
you just caress her body the way you like to be caressed
and/or the way she indicates she likes.
You explore lovemaking together and find out what works.
I don’t know how to answer more specifically.
I don’t thin there are any ‘cookbook’ approaches that work in all situations—
thank goodness.
For me it comes more naturally than it ever did with men.”
[13]
“Technically, women together do what male and female together do—
touch and kiss and caress on another, except there’s no penis.
(And I’ve yet to meet a lesbian who uses a dildo.
I think that is one great big male porno trip.)
I earlier mentioned mutual breast playing.
Sometimes it feels good to put my nipple into her vagina, or vice versa.
Cunnilingus is beautiful too, either as participant or recipient.
I don’t enjoy sixty-nine, however—
it’s too distracting,
too much happening at once for me to concentrate on either of us.
When I perform cunnilingus,
I like to not only stroke the inner lips and edges of her vagina with my tongue,
but I also like to suck her clitoris.
This excites me very much and my partners always seem to enjoy it.
I also enjoy tribadism.
I enjoy just holding each other very closely,
our thighs pressing against one another’s genitals;
or lying diagonally with each other,
our legs in a ‘V’ sort of scissors around each other’s torsos,
our vaginas warm, moist, happy touching, our hands holding.”
[14]
“Our relationship works on a pretty equal basis,
with both of us the initiators at various times,
with both of us taking different positions in tribadism,
the sixty-nine position, mutual masturbation, rubbing breasts,
or breasts against clitoris.
There are no particular patterns,
except we usually achieve our orgasms during tribadism,
which we practice most frequently.”
[15]
“Sex with a woman for me has involved kissing,
feeling one another completely, and basically humping—
pressing mound of Venus against mound of Venus or each other’s leg.
Also cunnilingus and manual and even anal lingus!
Pressing against her backside, riding her, which feels good.”
[16]
It’s most stimulating to be in a sitting position facing my partner.
She also sits and presses her hand gently into me.
This way I can determine the speed and intensity of the movements.
And we can see each other, kiss, talk, and feel each other’s breasts.”
[17]
“Usually with the one woman I’ve gone to bed with
we would spend ages on foreplay
and finally when we absolutely couldn’t stand it any longer,
we would manually bring each other to orgasm—
or else I would perform cunnilingus on her, even though she didn’t on me.”
[18]
“My best sexual experiences were with the first woman I ever loved.
I had been married for a thousand years and she was a total virgin.
We didn’t even practice cunnilingus,
yet they were powerful sexual encounters for both of us
because they were a dream come true emotionally.
We were mad for each other
and that’s why they were my best sexual experiences.”
[19]
“I become very aroused
by caressing my female lover’s breasts and clitoris and vagina
and get so hung up on her body that she need not do anything to me,
the mere touch and taste of her body is all the stimulus I need.
Arousal (and orgasm) is a very emotional experience
because somehow it communicates all the love I feel for her.”
[20]
“Finally, now with my present female lover of two months,
I have orgasms.
A person’s understanding of the clitoris’s stimulation, foreplay,
cuddling, display of other intimate expressions of caressing and deep kissing
are important.
She and I spend anywhere from two hours to six hours in
caressing, touching, cuddling, hugging, lip kissing, deep kissing
and intimate conversation
before, in-between, and after sex, lying in bed.
This is very important!”
[Shere Hite writes:]
And one woman gave a long answer:
[21]
“My lover is very sensitive to what I want.
But she asks me, and I tell her, too,
because it is better to communicate your desires.
Like the other night when she was being gentle
and I wasn’t responding much and I said,
‘I want you to be rough’ and so she was and it was strong and wonderful.
We like to stimulate ourselves and neither of us minds this or feels embarrassed.
Sometimes, usually, if she comes before I do
she keeps making love till I come
but if she doesn’t then I masturbate and she holds me while I do
and it’s just the same as making love.
“She is always emotionally involved.
Sometimes her mind wanders,
like once we were hugging and kissing and starting to make love
and all of a sudden she says,
‘What part of the world do armadillos live in?’
Really, she was serious, and we laughed a long time.
“I must be lying face down to have an orgasm.
I must be rubbing my clitoris against a part of my lover’s body
or a soft object.
(Before getting in this position, I like my breasts to be sucked.
I like that the best.
I also like manual clitoral stimulation and oral.)
Then I get in a face down position.
Sometimes my lover lies on top of my back
and I rub against a pillow or soft blanket
and sometimes (usually) I lie on her back and she stimulates herself manually
and the feeling of the waves in her hips and legs
and my thighs and clitoris moving against her bring me to orgasm.
“I like non-genital sex as well as or better than genital.
I like hugging and kissing
(we don’t usually have deep penetrating kisses,
but when we do it’s nice, but mostly little wet ones in nice places).
....
And as for my thoughts?
I guess I basically like lesbians.
They always seem to be having such a good time together.
I frequently walk through an urban restaurant district,
wherein one often seems groups of two or three women walking down the street
while busily caressing each other,
seemingly having a great time.
Seems fine to me.
And I’m sure it makes it easier to swing into real sex when the time comes.
The various quotes excerpted from the Hite book suggest that
lesbians seem to devote a great deal of time to pleasuring each other
in general, not specifically sexual, ways.
In the past the male culture, I think,
has ignored or shunned extensive amounts of physical contact,
even with our female partners (wives or girlfriends).
But one wonders if the way lesbians relate is the way the majority of women would like to relate with their partners.
I think it might be useful if men might explore with their partners
if they would like more physical attention.
I know when I was married
I certainly did not give attention to such matters
(not to say that was an issue in that relationship,
just pointing it out as an example).
Some interesting web sites:
http://sexxxylesbians.tumblr.com/ Some really hot photos at that one!
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